The other day I asked a friend of mine if she was going to marry the man that she has been seriously dating for some time. To give some background, she is in her 50's and is a divorced mother of three, a prestigious lecturer, and a very smart, capable woman. She said, "I don't think I'll ever get married again. It's nothing but a financial contract anyway." I kindly told her that I disagree, and she told me that I haven't been married before, which is true. We chatted a bit about marriage, but soon the conversation veered to other topics.
Today I want to address that comment, and speak my mind in defense of marriage. Though, as my friend astutely pointed out, I have never been married, I am not isolated from the effects of marriage in my life. In fact, almost my entire life has been shaped by the contract that my parents made on a 21st of June many years ago. My parents are not perfect, but their commitment to one another is. The marriage contract allows them to make mistakes without the fear of losing their best friend; it encourages them to serve one another more than themselves; it is their conscious decision to stick it out, whatever it may be. It is the opportunity to create the crowning masterpiece of life: a happy home . . . together.
The concept that a "marriage-like" relationship without the contract is very much like my work experience of the past five months. I have been temping at a wonderful firm in DC. Because I am a temp, I can jump ship or my employer can let me go at any time with no strings attached. While that allows for both parties to feel free, it also make me fear for my job every time I mess up. I don't quite feel like part of the team yet, and so don't feel the joy of really participating as a trusted team member, nor do I feel the need to take on the "for the good of the team" attitude. Tomorrow my boss and I will discuss my future with the firm and I hope it goes well. I am ready to invest in my firm, and ready to have my boss invest in me. No longer will I wonder if I'm good enough to even officially get through the door. This contract will go much deeper than a financial transaction; I will finally become part of the entity that I so admire.
If we never make commitments, marriage included, we will inevitably wake up every morning of our lives and waste the day away worrying about all of the possible scenarios that could play out, because we are too protective of our "liberty" to be free of the burden of endless possibilities. To my friend I say that I hope that someone will one day love me enough to promise that he will stay by my side for always, and be brave enough and bold enough to make that promise legally binding.
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